We interrupt our regular Duggar posts to share a post from our blog about the Duggars' long-time friends, the Bates. Michaela Bates and husband Brandon Keilen are celebrating two years of marriage today and had these beautiful photos taken by photographer friend Taryn Yager.
Recently, the Keilens have ministered to many by opening up about the struggles she and Brandon have had with infertility.
Photos courtesy tarynyagerphotography.com
Recently, the Keilens have ministered to many by opening up about the struggles she and Brandon have had with infertility.
Photos courtesy tarynyagerphotography.com
Hi there! Has Michaela said she IS incapable of conceiving or are they still discussing it with her doctor(s)? They are in my prayers, and I hope the have a great anniversary!
ReplyDeleteI pray God will bless them with children in His timing. There are ladies here who can relate to Michaela's struggle.
ReplyDeleteI'm just condused about why everyone thinks she's the one with fertility problems and not him. It could very well be!
DeleteIt could be him or her, you do make a point. Though the way she worded it sounded as if she was saying SHE could not conceive. :)
DeleteI think that everybody, starting from Michaela herself, seems to automatically think she's the one who's unable to conceive, just as they used to think a long time ago: if the wife "wasn't able" to give a son to her husband's family, kt was all her fault. Now, I'm sure that Michaela's husband is very loving and sweet, but I couldn't belp but notice how, even before consulting doctors, everybody, Michaela even first, thought that it was her.
DeleteWomen generally have more things that can go wrong. With men it's somewhat cut and dry so they always check the man first just to focus on the woman. Certainly if they have been trying for two years, they have narrowed down the problem.
DeleteWhat is the time frame doctors give couples before they intervene? Kate Gosslin is the only one who had a doctor juice her up twice with fertility drugs after only six months of trying.
Maybe they wont see this,but I highly reccomend fertility care and napro technology,they helped a lot of couples and they do everything they can to find the root of the problem. They are amazing...
ReplyDeleteIs that really expensive? My brother and sister in law are having a hard time conceiving too. Insurance doesn't cover a lot of the fertility treatments unfortunately.
DeleteThere are fc na pro facebook groups and contacts,some things are covered but i dont know, im from europe there are cheap from my perspective here.they really have success because they treat the cause and are very nice and treat their patients well
DeleteHaving experienced the same struggles, I just want to say that I hope this young couple understands that infertility is as much a part of the human condition as any other physical problem. It has nothing to do with "God's timing", a result of sin, or anything else. It's just life, which often times doesn't work out the way we expect or plan. I wish only the best for the Keilens and that their dream for children is realized, whether biologically, fostering, or through adoption.
ReplyDeleteToo much pressure has been put on both these families to have children and grandchildren. If children don't come life goes on people. There are many couples that still live out very happy lives together. Stop the pressure it's beyond ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteIt's not that they feel pressured to have children, they sincerely have a desire to have children. It's obvious once they get married they can make their own decisions, that's common knowledge. It's not a bad thing or a pressured decision to desire to be a wife/husband or to have children.
DeleteHaven't you heard Michaela say herself how badly she wants children!!! Don't blame it on the families
DeleteMost people want to have children. They just have more well-rounded lives so their entire identities aren't wrapped up in conceiving.
DeleteShe was such a beautiful bride, and they still look like newlyweds. By the way, the new header looks great! I like the space between the pictures.
ReplyDeleteI love them! Wonder if they would consider fostering or adoption? I think they'd create a beautiful life for kids in need!!
ReplyDeleteLove the new header!!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on two years. Only time with tell with having kids.
ReplyDeleteHaving suffered from infertility at the beginning of my marriage, first 6 years, I can only say that Michaels crying and carrying on is a little immature. Yes, it is disappointing but there are lots of things in life that are FAR WORSE than infertility. She had a husband who loved her and she is healthy, they have all their needs met. Wow. Sorry to sound so harsh but this is a little ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteI agree 100%
DeleteWhat's ridiculous is this comment. Seriously? Then who do you give permission to cry?
DeleteHer response is valid. Yours, not so much.
WOW... can't believe you just said that! Very inconsiderate😒
Delete11:57- Yes, you sound very harsh. Heartbreak is not something to be measured before we decide if someone is worthy of sympathy or compassion. Having children is not important to everyone, but to some it is.
DeleteYes, but for someone whose main goal in life was to have babies, that's very hard news. Everyone takes bad news differently, just because Michael's reaction was different than your's does not make her immature. That being said, since she and Brandon had said many times before they found out about her infertility, that they were going to trust God with their family, I think they should be staying true to that now. Maybe it's not God's plan them to have biological children.
DeleteSorry your infertility didn't impact you in the same way, but please be compassionate of others. My own infertility was devastating and so is that of many friends who have gone through it to varying degrees.
DeleteEveryone has to come to terms with this problem the best they can. Maybe the Original Poster has found her way to do that, to focus on the things in her life that are OK, such as husband and home and health. So I think some of you are being a little harsh on the OP, too. I can see her meaning.
DeleteI agree with the OP. There are people out there dying from cancer, ALS, and Alzheimer's. There are people suffering from schizophrenia and depression. That's so much worse than not being able to have a baby. At least they still have healthy bodies and minds! They should take advantage of the freedom they have now to travel and build careers, because if they do end up having a baby, they will be tied down at home.
DeleteWhether or not there are things far worse than fertility is not the point. (And I certainly hope you never say that directly to someone facing it.) It's not up to you to decide if someone has earned the right to shed tears.
DeleteIf her family and culture didn't define women by their motherhood, this would probably be slightly less devastating to her. Without kids, she probably feels worthless. Who could blame her with the upbringing she's had?
DeleteMinimizing someone else's pain by referring to it as ridiculous is not only harsh, but lacking in compassion. Would you say this to her directly? Better to not say anything at all.
DeleteWhen you are taught your whole life that childen are God's blessing, not being able to conceive feels like God is refusing to bless you.
DeleteFrom someone who suffered from infertility for 13 yrs your attitude is typical of someone who has never suffered from this. You have no right to say that, that's the same attitude of someone who would Yelm someone who lost a child to get over it. There are many times I cried myself to sleep. We tried fertility drugs and shots, nothing. Fertility doctors said one tube was 99% blocked and the other tube was 100% blocked. Dr's said I would never get pregnant. I had 5 miscarriages in the first few years of marriage. After 13 yrs I got pregnant and had my little girl. Never give up. We also were foster parents. We have been married now for 38 yrs. We know it was God and it was a miracle.
DeleteThey need to go see doctors about their infertility if they really want children. Infertility is a medical condition more than it is "waiting on Gods timing". Hope they have the children they want soon.
ReplyDeleteThey did go see a doctor.
DeleteGod gave man the wisdom they need to help with medical issues. Just because you go to a doctor doesn't me you gave up on "Gods timing". It means you are using all the resources the God has provided so the you can have children. I wish them well!
DeleteI have to say that I am a bit surprised at all the drama after a year of infertility, running to the doctor, etc. for folks who always talk about trusting in God.
ReplyDeleteIt's a bit dramatic to say you have fertility problems after a year of marriage. Not even two years now and no baby! Sarcasm. Probably putting way too much stress of themselves. MANY people take several years to have a baby. If you trust in God, you don't need to start running to the doctor after a few months of trying. Just enjoy your married life and for most people, once they relax, a baby comes along. And, if not, find meaning in other areas of life. WAY too much pressure.
ReplyDeleteAnd infertility is correctly diagnosed after having ONE or more years of trying for a baby, unsuccessfully. OP you don't have any idea what you're talking about.
DeleteFertility experts do not recommend any workups until at least a year of trying. From what I understand, that's how long the Keilen's waited to see a doctor. If I had waited several years to find out what was wrong, a serious medical condition would never have been discovered. Trusting God has nothing to do with it, it's just using common sense and the medical expertise available to us.
DeleteThe definition of infertility is not being able to conceive after actively trying for a year. Therefore, it is not too soon to say they are struggling with infertility. Although stress can negatively impact health, there are other things that can cause infertility. We are blessed in North America to have doctors who help couples who struggle with infertility. God is the ultimate healer and one way Hr can work is through doctors. Although having children is only one part of life, children are a gift from the Lord and being unable to conceive is painful. Thus, we must pray for Michael and Brandon. That whatever God's will is they will have peace and comfort.
DeleteI have friends who are not from a huge family like them (I'm saying this so you know the pressure is not coming from a baby-focused family like some of you assume) and they struggle a lot with their unfulfilled wish to have kids. (also "already" after one or two years)
DeleteIt's mean to accuse them of a lack of trust in God... it's just an area where it hits you deep down. I have seen them in a real valley... and then developing similar like Michael - I think it's awesome.
PS: I think it's even harder for a man to get tested.... so have mercy!
Once again, we ask has HE been tested?
ReplyDeleteI'm sure their doctor knows how to assess infertility.
DeleteTesting the man first is standard procedure in a fertility workup. In any event, why is it important for you to know the particulars in this situation?
DeleteFrom having a medical background, I know that testing men is usually done early in the process because it is easier to diagnose fertility problems with men than with women. Through seeing a specialist, I am sure that the proper tests have been performed.
Deleteinfertility issues are not always an womans,s issue it can due to the too real fact some men out there for what ever reasons are either born infertile or low sperm count or due to childhood illness, during any high impack sports causing server damage. this is all real fact people
DeleteShe is not crying and carrying on your out of line
ReplyDeleteDid you read the full story in the link? Crying herself to sleep every night......
DeleteMichaela and Brandon's infertility situation is the EXACT reason you should never ask a couple if their pregnant. When the Duggar's were skyping Jessa and Jill asked flat out, "Are you pregnant?" The first thing that came to my mind was a) it's none of your business, and b) if a couple is having difficulty getting pregnant this could be very hurtful. I know Jill did not mean to be rude, but to be honest with you it really turned me off.
ReplyDeleteI agree, i don't know if TLC asked her to ask, but I felt it was immature. And I'm not trying to be critical of Jill, because I really do believe she's an incredibly sweet person, I just think she should have thought before she spoke.
DeleteI'm glad I'm not the only one who sees it this way!
DeleteThe sisters Jill, Jana, Joy, and Jessa were skyping Jinger.
DeleteI agree with the original poster, very spot on!
DeleteJust a little advice from an herbalist... there are herbs that help with fertility! One such herb is vitex. There have been many instances where an infertile couple has conceived in as little as 6 weeks. Just an option for those who would like to conceive without chemical fertility meds! God is good!
ReplyDeleteVitex is not safe to take if you are pregnant, so you'd have to know that you have conceived and not be using it after that. Pretty hard to do, especially for a first-time mother who may not realize she's pregnant for weeks. Actually, drug info I found on 2 reputable sources say taking it while "planning to become pregnant" is not recommended, either. The uses listed don't include fertility treatment, more like irregularities, fibroids, PMS, etc.
DeleteDo you have substantiated, controlled and unbiased research to back up your claim? Otherwise, you have no way of knowing if those "many instances" would have conceived any way in that time frame without the herb.
DeleteJust a little advice from another herbalist. It is irresponsible and unethical to recommend treatments of any kind when you have no idea what the actual problem is.
DeleteThere are many reasons for infertility, plenty of which are problems with the male, and not the female, of the couple. Vitex will do nothing for male infertility of any kind, and may help with with a couple of the many, many causes of female infertility, but will be of no use in most cases.
Herbal medicine can be very powerful in the hands of a skilled practitioner. Suggesting treatments for someone with absolutely no knowledge of her actual condition makes it very clear that you are neither very skilled nor very knowledgeable. Giving out bad advice based on inadequate knowledge could hurt or kill someone. Your post is dangerously irresponsible.
Any drug website will tell you that it's dangerous to take Vitex while pregnant!
DeleteWe dealt with this problem ourselves until we finally realized, is the goal a pregnancy or is the goal a child? If the goal is a child adoption is always an option!!!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - you don't know how timely your response is to what I've been thinking personally myself!
DeleteMy husband and I are walking the painful road of infertility and I literally texted him a few weeks ago "is the goal to be pregnant or to be parents"! I feel God is speaking to me and helping me heal by reading comments like these that reassure me that adoption is the call we are meant to answer.
So, you don't know me - but thank you for your words! :)
3:05- Old adoptive mom here, kids now grown. Same road of infertility, same realization so long ago. It came to us the first time we walked in the adoption agency and saw all the faces of adopted children smiling down on us from the many photographs on the walls. You just know if it's right.
DeleteIf you don't mind a bit of advice: Find a reputable agency that has been doing business for a long time. Seek out a skilled therapist who specializes in pre and post adoption counseling. Also, read 'The Primal Wound', by Nancy Verrier. It can help you begin to understand adoption through the eyes of the adoptee. There are other many excellent reads on the subject.
My best wishes!
Thank you so much 6:01 for your reply. I've picked up many books along the way, but I will definitely look into the one you've mentioned.
DeleteBoth my husband and I have been to counseling and we're "holding our own," as it were. But I didn't even think about pre-adoption/post-adoption counseling - that makes a lot of sense.
And thank you for the advice about agencies to look into. Doing research online can be so overwhelming - but hearing it from someone who's done it and can recommend things and give advice makes it less so.
Thank you! :)
I thought her honesty was beautiful. To say its imature is mean. It is not easy to see everyone around you get your heart desire. Maybe Im dramatic lol but its real and I hope God blesses there marriage.
ReplyDeleteso true. very painful to see others in your circle be blessed with the things you have prayed for over and over.
DeleteFor sure, infertility is a difficult and confusing road to walk but being so public and so dramatic after just two years of marriage is crazy. This young couple needs to focus on other things. There is lots of time.
ReplyDeleteWe don't get to decide for other people what they need to focus on. If they are hurt and struggling, then we need to pray for them not judge them. As someone who struggled with infertility, it is a hard road to walk. It is very difficult to see friends and family getting pregnant when you can't. Michael and Brandon have wanted children from day one. You know that they have been asked repeatedly if she is pregnant or when she will be. She might as well communicate to avoid the questions. Also, I believe she shared to help others who are in the same situation.
DeleteWe are blessed with children in the Lords time so there is something He needs you to do first my prayers are with you and all good things come to he who waits.
ReplyDeleteI want grandchildren, but I don't have any. What am I doing wrong, and why won't God bless me with grandchildren?
ReplyDeleteMaybe your children feel that God has a different plan for them than having children and they don't want to go against that plan. I'm sure the Lord has blessed you in other ways and you should focus on that rather than on what you don't have.
DeleteI know on the Bates show they stated they were leaving in the hands on the Lord and I really hope they go to a fertility doctor.Just like her sister Erin had to go to a specialty doctor for her blood issue,if she had not, she would have miscarried every pregnancy! So someone please bring that up to her that she could have a similar issue and just need a specialty doctor like Erin but she needs to be checked out to find out.God put really good doctors in our life's to bless us and that includes fertility doctors.It will still be your baby!!! BTW it is Michaela's heart and Michaela's feelings and no one else's so she has the right to however way she see's fit!!! Who here is worthy to judge her and stand before God and say they are worthy to judge her?? Not me!!!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I experienced infertility - we did not achieve the prize of a child. We are spirit filled Christians - we prayed - the answer wasn't what we expected. We saw infertility specialists - no outcome. They could not explain why we could not conceive. We trust God. God has provided a husband who loves God and me. The most difficult and hurtful thing is people making comments - they cut to the quick. It is such a confronting thing. Please be careful with your words. Michaella and Brandon are in my prayers.
ReplyDelete