In a recent People article, Jill Duggar shares how she got to know Derick Dillard and what factors contributed to her decision to accept his offers of courtship and engagement. The couple's first Skype conversation was five hours long and involved going through a three-page list of questions.
"It was an interrogation," Jill told People Magazine. "I didn't want to not have the guts to ask the tough questions."
Jill grilled Derick about his relationship with God, whether he drank or smoked, his character, morals, and values, his plans for the future, and (of course) how many kids he wants. Derick only has one sibling, a brother, but both he and Jill want a large family and plan to follow Jim Bob and Michelle's example. "Both of us want as many kids as God will give us, and we've talked about adoption," Jill told ABC News. "My parents have kept popping them out so we'll see how [our] fertility is!"
How did Jill come up with the questions? She told us that many of the ideas came from the books I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl, both by Joshua Harris. She highly recommends those books to other young people.
That's neat. Could you link the entire People article please? :)
ReplyDeleteWhen i was a teenager my dad gave me a long list of queations for me to ask potential husbands too. There were at least 3 guys that showed interest in me but didn't match up with what i was looking for. It took alot of guts to ask a guy i hardly knew these questions. But o how glad i am that i did!!!!! Now i am happily married have two children (so far) and my husband is so much more than i ever dreamed or asked God for. I am so thankful for a godly father that had the insight to give me that list of questions and guide me through the process of finding God's perfect husband for me. :-)
ReplyDeleteWhat did Derrick ask her? She doesn't say.
ReplyDeleteGood for Jill and Derick!! I want copy of the questions:)
ReplyDeleteSo does Derrik smokes and drink?
ReplyDeleteCharity Frazier it's nice to here stories like yours. I'm a girl who is trying to find a Christian guy and yeah, it is hard to ask a guy you like hard questions. I'm really am glad to hear a good story like yours and Jill's.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Secrets about Guys that shouldn't be secrets is also a GREAT book!
ReplyDeleteCoutship is so old the boy and girl are to date each other and get to know one another not have mom and dad involved i would nit do that to my kids bvecause the kids need to find out on there own if this is the one for them
ReplyDeleteI REALLY HOPE THEY DONT FOLLOW IN HER PARENTS FOOT STEPS BE YOURSELF! GOD WILL STILL LOVE YOU Mary Miller former amish west Farmington Ohio
ReplyDeleteWas Derick allowed to interrogate Jill also? If not, that doesn't seem quite fair. I ask because I remember a woman that was dating my uncle, who I was very close to and adored, said she kept holding "Billy" up to two other guys and comparing who she would want to marry out of the three. I think I was about nine then, but I remember thinking I wonder if "Billy" is holding this woman up against two other women and comparing who he would want to marry out of the three.
ReplyDeleteLily and Ellie did you just pick-up People magazine it came out a week ago, i am sure that most people have already seen it.
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Josh Harris' books are great! I definitely recommend them too!
ReplyDeleteEvery couple should have a desire for how large or small they would like their family to be. The Duggars often state that children are a blessing from God. Yes, they certainly are! However, they fail to define "blessing". Do they have as many as they can conceive because they believe these blessings are on your life; ie, life with no hassles, that you are favored by God with "smooth sailing"? Is that reward in the afterlife for the parents? I would like to know what they mean. They often quote scripture, platitudes, but don't seem to define those beliefs in any detail; other than it's what they believe God wants them to do. Why is having as many kids as you can conceive more favorable to God? If they've address this in detail, I missed it. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteMy teacher has those books. I'll probably read them now!! Thanks Jill and Lily and Ellie!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if Jana will start a courtship soon.
ReplyDeleteLily and Ellie, just curious which kids has their license and which ones have their temporary permit?
ReplyDeleteHappy Easter!
Rachel
I think people have been judging Derick/Jill and Ben/Jessa harshly for what they do or don't do. My parents and I were inspired by the Duggars and Bates courtship ideas. We have changed our philosophy after seeing the Duggars example. People should stop judging these faithful servants of Christ.
ReplyDeleteIs Derrick part of IBLP/ATI?
ReplyDeleteI am all for adoption. But if the point is to leave it up to God what is wrong with only have two kids? It seems to me if it's leaving it up to God there wouldn't be a desire to have a large family or a small family. Just wait and see. Adoption then seems to be adding children for the sake of being larger family. The same with the parent Duggars trying for another one. I think it's admirable to leave it up to God. Now if they said we know we would like a certain number because we enjoyed and or missed growing up in large family it would be more honest. I certainly hope they have the number of children they want to have.
ReplyDeleteInteresting note is that Rexella Van Impe was on Praise the Lord TBN a long time ago with Jack and she revealed there that she wanted children but was never blessed with any in their marriage. They had many crusades and still spread the gospel each and every show they are still giving an invitation to people to receive Christ as their saviour, whether for the first time or a renewal of receiving Christ.
ReplyDeleteI would one day love to be in a courtship with one of the dugger boys
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely guiding my children to court like the Duggars! I wish my parents had guided me in this way. It's apparent that I did not marry the one God had for me. It's not a very happy marriage, we're constantly disagreeing. I went for the first guy who showed great interest in me because I was afraid that because I'm not pretty, I have a hook nose, there would be no other. I wonder how great my life would be if I had trusted God in all things.
ReplyDeleteJill said she "interrogated" Derick. Please tell me Derick got the same opportunity to "interrogate" Jill in return.
ReplyDeleteWould you mind to post this list of questions? I' d love to introduce them to my children. And coming straight from you will make it more authentic for them. Thanks a lot in advance!
ReplyDeletetruth be told the duggars are not honest. if they left it up to God they would not be trying to have another child right now. God would not want any women Michelles age to have another kid. he had a hard time with jose and lost one to a miscarraige and she is risking her health. why not adpot there is so many kids in this world who need good familes. they would adpot because Jim bod and michelle would fail the home study and a child from foster care would bring on to many problems for them.
ReplyDeleteI just love the dugger family I am trying to raise my children to believe in courtships
ReplyDelete@Charity Frazier
ReplyDeleteHi there,
I'm very curious to know what questions your father taught you to ask.
I will be having to deal with telling my children what to ask and would love some guidance.
Thanks!
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteSo old? It's precious! Those people are going to have happy and beautiful marriages precisely because of not following the world's way.
I wish someone would have taught me those principles; I wouldn't be in the unhappy state I am in now, and stuck in it.
If you're going to be like Jim Bob, pick a letter like C or S.
ReplyDeleteWhen one raises their children to believe in courtship, you are asking them to marry a stranger. Raising your children to wait for sex until after marriage is completely another thing; it could be a very good thing, but a couple needs to spend time alone even if in public. That's the way one relaxes and is "their own real self", when not on display for the watchdog eyes. The suitor knows that they are being scrutinized, therefore they behave and aren't their true selves. Only time allows the couple to let their hair down and relax. Then , only the, does the true self emerge. I speak from experience on that one. These courtships are rushed and unnatural.
ReplyDelete@AnonymousBUT what if the Lord tells you to adopt and you already have a large family? Should you just discard that children-any child-is a gift from the Lord? Blessed is the man whose quiver is FULL of them!!
ReplyDeleteHaving one or two kids is fine. Many Christian couple have not kids and others can have only one or two or three, but they would love more. However, having two kids and getting a tubal is not putting I in Gods hands.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to both Jill and Derick. I look forward to following them and seeing how their lives progress.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThere is a loss when a child needs to be added to a family through adoption. In most cases the children not being raised in families are being raised in feeding centers because the who are trying to help are hurting by not keeping the family together. Most kids who have lost a family and have been raised in a large center don't really need to share attention and are not going to be dripping with the obedience of sitting of a blanket with one toy like is required in these large religious families. What if God tells a large family to adopt? I understand the peace of prayer and it's one thing to feel adoption is accepted by The Lord but another to feel like He told you to do it. This is not a world thankfully where parents are dying in droves to the flu and leaving scores of real orphans. We are to care for not only widows but also orphans. We aren't to artificially orphan either.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI disagree. Courtship helps you to know the person BETTER than dating because you are seeing the person's true colors as you interact with their family. I don't understand why people can't leave Christian courters alone!
5 hours! WOW
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 21: Whether one is dating or courting does not matter because a person is on their best behavior in both situations. The only true way of really knowing how someone is is to have seen them grow up and/or to have spent time with them in a non romantic way well before there was an interest.
ReplyDelete@Carissa
ReplyDeleteHi Carissa,
This particular People article is only available in print or online for a fee (http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20805167,00.html).
~Lily and Ellie
Re: anonymous 28's comment: Families such as this one, don't allow for that. That's why time is their best friend in getting to know one another. It give you the opportunity to notice changes in behavior, comments, etc., in each other that occur with time. I speak from experience.
ReplyDeletea date has been set! I was informed by a reliable source yesterday
ReplyDeleteEEP!! Rhyming - Jill Dillard!! :)
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous 24,
Jill is in the thick of wedding planning, but she says she will gather the list of questions when she has some free time. :)
~Lily and Ellie
Another great book is "101 questions to ask before you get engaged"
ReplyDeleteI don't think God intended for all families to live by the "Duggar Rules". I absolutely agree that they are a wonderful Christian family with God-fearing, Christian morals. My husband and I argue and fuss...alot. But, we have been blessed with 3 beautiful, God-fearing, Christian children. Just because my family doesn't conform to the Duggar dating / courtship rules does not mean we are bad people. My family and I love and worship God ..... in our way. I do NOT feel that my family is less of a Christiana family because we do not go by the Duggar rules for dating. We do share some of the same standards/rules, but not all. God is definitely a part of my family. We are not as quiet and as soft spoken as the Duggar's, but my family and I are very bold in our Christianity.
ReplyDeleteI realize you can monitor text messages and control dating / courtships of children under the age of 18, but several of their children are over the age 20 and even 21. How can you, as a parent control that much of their lives? Seems to be too much of a control issue. Train you child up as they should go and they will no depart from it. You gotta give them some ownership and responsibility to their own lives.
ReplyDeleteadult parents telling their adult children they cannot hold hands until engagement time.. no side hugs .. and no kissing until they say I do! how absurd!
ReplyDeleteI am a christians with morals and purity until marriage .. but come on these adult kids dont need their adult parents telling them they have to wait and hold hands until their engaged .. they are 21 and 23 !
ReplyDeletethey have raised them correctly so they will do the right thing ?
To Anonymous dated April 19, the reason they leave their family size up to God is that after their first child was born, Michelle got pregnant while on the pill and that resulted in a devestating miscarriage ...they realized after studying the verses in the Bible about children that the Lord considers them a blessing and a reward...and, yes, this has all been detailed in their books and theIr shows, don't know how you could miss it! And do you really think that they believe theIr lives will be smooth sailing with no problems if they leave their family size in God's will? I cannot imagine the opposition they face from the world both as Christians and sharing their lives and super-sized family and values... I first tuned in because I thought it would be ridiculous to have a family that size, but when I saw how nicely they interacted with one another, I was fascinated... over the years, I have seen the children buy toys out of their own money to take as gifts on mission trips, seen the girls cry as they left orphanages, watched JB & Michelle lovingly guide them and teach them to change tires, prepare food, shop frugally and serve others with their whole hearts...this show has changed me as a person, my cynicism has been replaced by a love for God and others and a desire to serve...I am so grateful to TLC that they air this show and to JB & Michelle for staying the course despite the opposition ♡don't think the Real Housewives of wherever or whatever other junk is out there has changed lives for the better!
ReplyDeleteLove Joshua Harris he is a good author.
ReplyDeleteI love the Duggar family, I think that there morals are perfect. My parents raised my not to kiss before marriage, and save that special intimacy for AFTER you're married, and they were right!!
ReplyDeleteThank you to every family with these morals. :)
That is really sweet. Someday I definitely want a big family, and I hope to read those books:)
ReplyDelete-L
I believe they are doing the right thing, and that that's what God wants them to do.
ReplyDeleteI think people spend too much time trying to find something negative about them or trying to be snarky. I'm just happy for them. Yes I think they are a wonderful family and are good examples. My son who is 6 has actually talked to me about homeschooling and has also shown a lot of interest in courting. Both he has he learned about from watching the Duggars and the Bates. As long as they are happy that's all that matters. They are NOT saying everyone has to be like them....
ReplyDeleteHas Jill given you her list of questions that she asked Derrick?
ReplyDelete